woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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