ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize