I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
