Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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