so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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