he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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