are you still at the devil's house?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
