Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
