We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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