If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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