My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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