Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
