I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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