I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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