Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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