I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
