Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
