every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize