I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
