I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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