I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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