I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
