I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
