Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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