I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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