It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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