It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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