Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
