a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
