My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
