you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
