A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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