I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
