Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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