I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
