yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
not ubering you a puppy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
