I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
420 ftw
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
