We're like a lot better than the average bears
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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