this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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