Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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