wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this boner is exhausting
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
