i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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