Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When are your genitals available?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize