You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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