I need help removing her.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The ass gains better be worth it
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