Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
