you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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