yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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