My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
