worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
