I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
