if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
