Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
