HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
