If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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