Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
