Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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