I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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