escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
