My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
