Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
