very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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