My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
