There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
