Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
