Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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